my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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