based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
