There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
