I think im going to throw up on grandma
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
