I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
