whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
