YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
