Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
