The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize