What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
