Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
