..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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