He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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