it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
