Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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