Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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