when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
