i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize