im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
