so explain again why im purple
no
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
