Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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