It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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