They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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