i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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