so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Randomize
