Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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