is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
