everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
