Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.

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(254): View more from Texas

you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.

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(636): View more from Missouri

you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.

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(289): View more from Ontario

So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

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(817): View more from Texas

i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.

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(813): View more from Florida

His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.

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(703): View more from Virginia

FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.

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