we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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