so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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