i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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