Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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