she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
