Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
