Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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