So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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