Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
