Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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