Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
