How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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