just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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