just come out here and I will go home with you...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
