I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
