call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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