she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize