you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
