shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
