dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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