I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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