So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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