Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
