He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
