apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
