Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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