Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
