this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
