You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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