One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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