last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
