You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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