ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't deserve a penis
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Bring me that man meat
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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