I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
