So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
