I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
