The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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