dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
