so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
