They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
