I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
