What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
