Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
