Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
