I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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