roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
