meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize